Today’s the day!

Number 4 is now in school! And it was a LOT harder than I thought – and for totally different reasons.

In Belgium, they have “kindergarten” starting at age 2.5 for FREE! As the time led up to this, I was sort of on the fence about it, but at the same time, I was also secretly counting down the days until he was old enough to go.

Then it came, and I wasn’t ready. It’s mostly what you’d expect – last baby off to school, cue the tears 😭, plus he’s the only baby I got to stay at home with (poor Wesley’s already had so much school he could graduate and he’s not even 7 yet!). And while that’s a huge part, the most selfish reason was altering his amazing sleep schedule. This kid is a sleeper and, I mean, who am I to deny sleep??? But I realized he can’t sleep like that forever and I really need to get a better schedule going for myself.

So last Friday, I abruptly decided to rip off the bandaid and I enrolled him to start today. We got up early (before 8!) and we were both ready for school. He seemed pretty excited, talking about school and repeatedly asking me for his “bunkey pack-pack” (monkey 🐵 back pack).  I was equally excited at the thought of heading out ALONE after drop off.

So here we go, into the school 👇🏻.

But then it was time for me to go. And while he’s never gone to traditional daycare, he has been to the church nursery and the occasional hourly care here, and he always cries at drop off, so I knew to expect that. What I didn’t expect was the absolute fear I saw and the fear I felt FOR him.

FEAR. Definitely fear.

Last year, I felt the same kind of fear as I put my other 3 kiddos on a school bus for the FIRST time IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY. But, there was something comforting knowing they were together (and headed to an American school).

But not Bennett –  I signed him up for the local commune school thinking it would be a great, immersive experience (and it will be), but he has to do it alone!

‘Immersion’ doesn’t quite describe it. It’s more like submerging him under water in a pool of french. His teachers don’t speak English (Side note: The secretary in the office does and is very helpful), none of the other children speak English, nor does he know any of them, and he doesn’t speak a lick of french.  So here I am basically tossing him into a pool when he can’t swim and saying “good luck, buddy, see you later!”

The very nice teacher took him from me as he flailed around. I could hear her asking him (in French) to come with her to class. This was the point for me when I personally felt the fear and then I saw the fear in his face. “Who are these people? What are they saying? Why is my mom leaving me here?” As I walked out, I kept thinking “what is wrong with me and what am I doing to him?!?”

“They” all say that kids pick new languages up so fast and he’ll know what’s going on before we know it. But it’s the part “before we know it” that worries me. I know the fear, I’ve felt the fear – the awkward embarrassment when you can’t communicate in a store (and don’t have a phone), or in the ER with Bennett (that was the worst!), or at the hospital for a foot appointment for myself – and it’s hard and feels terrifying. Why would I want to terrify my child?

Either way, I did it.  I left him. I stared at my phone for 3 hours and was amazed that they didn’t call me (hallelujah!). And when I came back to pick him up, he was fine (of course) and jumping up and down. I had a brief chat I didn’t understand with the teacher (with some translation from another wonderful mom), and basically he did “superb”. Then I got home, found his communication notebook that was very nicely translated into English for me, and felt a heck of a lot better.

Hopefully it will get easier for both of us. The awkward communication embarrassment will surely get easier for me. But if it doesn’t, by the time we leave, he should be completely fluent in French and I can use him as my little pocket translator 😂.