Netflix giveth and Netflix taketh away. I’ve been a Netflix fan since the day it came out. I used to order DVDs like none other. I love Netflix. She’s always been so good to me!

I know shows come and go on Netflix, but it never bothered me before NOW. Here  in Belgium, we only get 6 TV channels in English – CNN, CNBC, and BBC1-4. It’s enough for the news but there aren’t really any shows or mindless entertainment.

We have Amazon prime but it isn’t streamable here without a VPN (which we don’t currently have). We also own a bunch of digital movies on Amazon, but again, there is no way to stream it other than our Kindles (Which Benny is ok with 👍🏻).

Then there is iTunes. Honestly we can only play movies we bought in SD and still it doesn’t really work because our internet is (thanks to my friends Jen and Tim for this phrase) powered by hamsters running on a wheel, and trying to stream iTunes just makes it practically implode.

Well what about DVDs and Blu-rays? Well, turns out those can also be of the wrong region. NONE of our DVDs work. Thankfully to the contrary, almost all of the Disney blu-rays work (hallelujah!) but not many others do.

Soooo anyway…we’ve really really gotten into Netflix because of the above (that and I have a lot more idle time), so much so that I had to upgrade my subscription to the one that allows a bunch of screens to stream at once.

Yes, it’s not good to watch too much TV, especially for the kids, I know. And I know they should be playing outside and being creative and that all of this is first world problems. But, it does rain a lot and it’s not AS easy to go out here. But, my kids are WAY too creative most of the time (CRAFTS and shows on shows on shows and more CRAFTS) and if I have to force them to watch TV to keep the house clean for 30 seconds, I’m going to do it.

So, just as I get into Downton Abbey, it goes away. Eh, whatever, I don’t really mind. I didn’t finish it, but at some point I will somewhere else (I got through the first 5 seasons but it was getting slow). BUT while I was so busy trying to watch it before they taketh away, I didn’t realize they were taking away ALL of Bennett’s favorites!

I mean, just as I wasn’t going to ask my FB friends “how many times do you think he’ll watch this SAME movie?”, I went to play it and it was GONE. But not only was CARS gone, so was CARS 2, Planes, Planes Fire and rescue, and Monsters Inc and Monsters University! They took away his LOVES! We own all of these except CARS (but I will soon) digitally (and some on Blu-ray) but most of the time the digital ones don’t work! (Damn it, iTunes!) Netflix you were so easy! And so good! WHY???

The big kids don’t seem to mind. They’ll pretty much watch anything – including CARS on its 100th play in a row, even if Bennett’s not in the room 😂😂😂. And I, personally, don’t really mind either because there are a ton of good documentaries for me to watch (currently on Auschwitz).

But poor Bennett keeps asking for “cars cars” all day. And I was just getting ready to sing Netflix’s praises! When we first got here, this “version” of Netflix seemed far superior to what we had before. Maybe we just didn’t notice because we were busier? Maybe it really is? Maybe the US Netflix had the same stuff this summer? I don’t know and I guess I never will.

But I do think we have an interesting set-up. For the most part, it’s in English. There are a lot of BBC shows, so I was thinking maybe we have the British Netflix, but there are a lot of Dutch shows and French shows. Most of the subtitles are only available in Dutch or French. Some of the words are changed in the titles into French or whatnot, even though the movie is still in English.

In CARS, all the newspapers and banners in the movie are written in (I think) Dutch and wish I had taken a picture! And Harv, the guy inside his truck, he’s British! I googled that and apparently different countries have a few special character voices that changed.

Either way, Netflix obviously keeps me plenty entertained. I even have good times where I spend an hour just looking at all the thumbnails and reading the blurb about the shows…if it’s in English 👍🏻.

“The mental load” is another phrase social media has brought to life (the phrase is “brought to light” but I really think it should be “life” since I think social media created it, but I digress) in the last couple of years. It’s a real thing for sure -the constant pressures of motherhood and the mental load to keep it up. When I first read about it, I was like “YES!” It felt so much like me and I was glad to know I wasn’t the only one (considering everyone else always appears to have it all held together). It is in the mind where it often falls apart. Pure chaos.

In college, during a random conversation that I can’t actually remember, it came out that my friend has the total ability to have a completely blank mind. Like, “hey what are you thinking about?” And a “absolutely nothing” was the honest answer. I envied that at the time because it felt like my mind was always on. I’ve been meaning to ask her now for awhile if now that she has a children and a career, she still has the ability to let the mind go blank. If she does…I’m totally jealous.

Currently in a new state of being a SAHM, my mental load has changed, and maybe can’t even be described as a “load” anymore but more of “information and sensory overload”. While it definitely doesn’t feel as go,go,go as it did when I was working (“gotta do this and this and this and make this appointment and be there”) it no longer just feels like a checklist of stuff to do. It feels like I’m IN it. It surrounds me. It feels like a slow, but spinning circle. My responsibilities seem dull and there is not really a sense of accomplishment when I’m done…because nothing is ever really done when you’re in the house.

It currently seems like I never have enough groceries, there seems to be twice the amount of laundry (maybe just because I don’t have a laundry room to hide it in), I’m never done cleaning because there is a new cereal disaster or juice spill once an hour. Is this overwhelming? No, not really, but it’s all accumulating in my mind. “Pick this up, clean that, wipe that, fold those, need eggs, must get mail (but only after 1230 and requires 20 min drive, but must be back for Bennett’s nap), mail packages, buy more chocolates to mail, dinner, dinner, dinner!”

I think I just have no singular focus at all and so my mind is like a ping pong ball. There is an episode in Gilmore Girls toward the end of the series (I just finished binging on this) where Lorelai is trying to write a letter but her mind is everywhere else…and then she lists what’s going on in her mind…I may have never related to something so strongly before! (Also, they talk pretty fast and switch subjects quickly on the show anyway, and I really relate to that too). I am not sure I can upload a video on this blog but if I could I would.

Anway, that is me always but particularly last week in church. As we were walking out I told Justin, “I have so many thoughts!” Except they weren’t about church and I had to admit that I couldn’t even recall the idea in the readings 😳. I was ping-ing back-and-forth, from clothes to gifts to dinner to TV to the fact that I needed a TV in my room (for folding laundry) to school to sports to items I need to buy for sports to hearing a brief snipet of the homily to books to Christmas to halloween to makeup…it literally never stopped.

I think this is also pretty apparent in my blogs, at least in the topics. They’re mostly somehow related to our time here, but they definitely bounce around – travel, food, kids, school, travel, souvenirs. Realistically, 80% of the reason I’m even blogging right now is to try to get some of it OUT of my head and maybe find out that others feel the same! The other 20% is so I have lasting memories forever etched into the internet.

I mean, my mind has always been full and somewhat on overdrive, but when I was working I HAD to focus on pharmacy for at least most of my day – though I did still wander but most of that was done out loud to coworkers and Throughsinging.  Maybe that’s what I need? 1. Work that I’m ok at 😬 2. Adult stimulation 3. Music (I don’t listen to the radio here so I don’t hear new songs and half the time I let the kids watch movies so there is no radio anyway).

I need focus. For my immediate future, I’m going to try focus on Downton Abbey before Netflix removes it in 6 days. Today, I tried to watch an episode and I had to replay the same part at least 6 times because I couldn’t hear them (and the subtitles are only available in Dutch 😥) my mind wandered, my phone beeped, Bennett played his super loud trains 😬.

Wait, what was I talking about? Kidding. Until the next one…

 

Ah, souvenirs – the bain of my existence. I am pretty sure my kids just like to waste money and feel like they must get something EVERYWHERE they go. Standing in tiny spaces with 3 kids plus one in the stroller makes me anxious and sweaty instantly. I. WANT. OUT!

“Mama, look! Mama, look! Mama, LOOOOOOOKKKK!!!” Those words make my heart start to race. Argh!!! I don’t want to look, I don’t want to be in here, I don’t want you to get another souvenir that’ll break in 30 seconds. And they touch everything in sight  I’m constantly grabbing things and saying “put that back!!!”

Tiny aisles filled with little die-cast Eiffel Towers, or windmills from Holland, or little statues of Napoleon, or little armored vehicles. What is the purpose even? To remember the place or to spend money? Still not sure. Even if they actually like something, it gets mixed in with other TOTAL JUNK in their rooms…and they never want what I want them to get.

So, this past weekend, we visited Amsterdam. We made it clear to Wesley that he didn’t get any souvenirs this time because 1. His last souvenir was broken THE NEXT DAY 2. He lied to us and his teacher 3. He misbehaved at school. It was a tough lesson, but we followed through! #winning (for at least one thing).

Natalie and Meredith really felt like they needed wooden clogs, but at some point Natalie decided a doll was better. This is where I get sucked in. I LIKED the doll.  She is awesome and very Dutch. But will she ever play with her? Doubtful, but at least I approved. I also approved of Meredith’s clogs, rationalizing that 1. It’s something that she can wear and it’ll get use and 2. She can share with Natalie. So, I am just as guilty 👎🏻. (I mean, I love a good souvenir as much as the next guy, but I take care of them and display them.)

(BTW, Meredith wore the clogs to the museum afterwords and I think they hurt her feet but she wouldn’t say that. She claimed she just had a bad attitude because she didn’t want to be at ANOTHER museum – even after taking her to do something FOR her that ended with a new souvenir! Ugh! But she also wore them to school today).

The day before that we went to the Anne Frank house. How can I turn down a request for a poster of Anne Frank?!? (#enabler/sucker/pushover) So, I bought the girls a poster. Natalie insisted on carrying it instead of leaving it in the stroller. She made it about 4 stops and 6 hours and then left it in Starbucks, our last stop (I can’t turn down any good taste of what I call “America”). BUT, luckily for her, she realized it only a few blocks later and was able to run back and get it.

Other souvenirs haven’t fared as well. Most recently, Justin was the enabler and bought BOTH Meredith and Wesley really cool WWII-style army helmets.

 

 

First, even after multiple requests to pick it up and bring it in the house, he left it outside on the ground over night. We asked him again to pick it up, but I guess we didn’t follow through. Later he allowed the neighbor kid, to DRIVE OVER it and crack it. It was some seriously thick and heavy plastic and I’m not sure how, but it broke.

Two weeks before that, he wanted a French flag from Paris. For that, he sweet talked his aunt into buying it while she was souvenir shopping. Two stores later, I guess he set it down and left it because by the time we got to the car it was gone 🙄.

Then there is the snow globe that Natalie got at the triangle border of Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands. That ended up as a sparkly mess of water and broken glass all over their room and under their beds that they tried to hide.

The next one is a little off of “souvenir” topic, but Meredith really wanted a pretty dress from the Belgian linen store. I fell in love with it and it was decently priced for a dress, so I enabled. I (yep, my fault) allowed her to wear it to school for picture day knowing it would probably never be the same…and it won’t be. She got off the bus crying because she knew I was right. “Someone in her class” was pushing to get to her whiteboard and dropped a dry erase marker on it. I am a laundry whiz and amazing stain-remover and the best salvager of  clothes, but the stain didn’t budge even the tiniest bit.

Here’s a beret Natalie asked for in Paris. She hasn’t lost it but I can pretty much guarantee she’ll never wear it again.

 

And then there was Wesley’s armored helmet and sword from the Tower of London. We had that for maybe 3 days before it vanished in to thin air. We don’t even have a picture of that one.

And what hurts the most is that all of the really cool things that we think will make them enjoy their time more or help remember it more fondly, are often the items they lose or break. They never rip or tear or lose the cheap stuffed animals that plague our playroom, but they can drop toxic mustard on a cute shirt or ruin an army helmet in a flash.

Its really a double-edged sword for me (PLUS the obvious monetary component…I am a terrible money manager). I personally enjoy having the reminders of what we’ve done because, to me, it kind of gives the full experience. But is it also spoiling/enabling them? They don’t seem to take care of any of their personal items with any care and always sort of expect more. I know this is all a result of my rather push-over-ish parenting, but I’d really like to get them to a state of wonder and awe of the experience that includes respect for the experience and it’s souvenirs. I just don’t exactly know how. I have roughly 31 months to figure that out…or continue to fail miserably.

(I had Justin read this and he claims I’m the enabler of the expensive items and he’s okay with the little die-cast statues and such. Except he bought the army helmets and all the hats the kids have and the knight helmet that’s gone missing 😂😂😂).

He also bought these 👇🏻