These days the “feels” usually refers to all the good feels someone has when they love something. But how does one describe the overwhelming feels? Like the traumatic-history-of-the-war “feels”?

Belgium’s history is a war-filled one. It has only been an independent country since 1840, and even in that short time it has been riddled with war, sadness and destruction. In the last two weeks we visited two sites that experienced massive loss, and I have been surprised at each. Pictures when combined with elaborate and historic dialogue about the pictures/era can be very powerful.

Ypres – WWI

First we visited Ypres, site of total destruction from WWI. While the turmoil happened 100 years ago, which is hard to believe, you can still feel it when you visit. Monuments stand as reminders of all that was lost and honor the names of the soldiers that perished here. “To the armies of the British empire who stood here from 1914 to 1918 and to their dead who gave no known grave.” And the In Flanders Fields museum does an excellent job portraying the turmoil so that you can feel it, even if you’re trudging through with a 2 year old.

“To the armies of the British empire that stood here from 1914 to 1918 and to those of their dead who have no known grave”

First we checked out the Ypres cathedral, which also had a mini- museum inside with WWI artifacts from priests and medics. It also had one of my new favorite statues of Jesus. It was a very powerful and moving statue that also envoked the general feeling in the air there.

Then to the In Flanders Fields Museum. The museum had audio guides that let you put in your age so the kids could follow through and learn about the war from someone their age and what they would’ve experienced.

It appears that multiple battles happened in the Flanders fields and in Ypres in WWI, but the heaviest loss was some 500,000 British in less than 100 days in 1917. The city was nearly completely destroyed. The images are incredible and you could really feel a sense for the destruction. And we were standing in the same spots as where this happened.

The last part of the museum had an exhibit with pictures from the war overlayed with current images of the same areas – mostly with farmers on their land. The biggest take away from this is that the farm fields are still riddled with artillery shells that haven’t exploded yet and still pose threats to those areas.

Overlay of current image over image from the war. Shows and unexploded shell recently uncovered.

Finally, the famous poem from 1915 about the area, “In Flanders Fields” by John McCrae 👇🏻. After the war ended, the poppy was adopted by the city as a symbol of remembrance. Everywhere in the city sold poppy merchandise and I’m kind of kicking myself for not buying some! Don’t worry, I’ll go back 😉. On another note, the poppies aren’t just in Flanders (the northern part of Belgium). We have a fair share here in southern Belgium and they’re beautiful.

“In Flanders Fields”, a famous poem by John McCrae about the WWI

Bastogne – WWII

Next we went east to Bastogne, which was part of the Battle of the Bulge in WWII, which is really when America showed up in full force and helped fight Germany when the other troops were at their lowest.

The Bastogne War museum was amazing  where the audio guides and movies walk you through the war and really put you in the action. The movie I saw was in 3D on the battlefield . Justin saw another one that was set in the winter months and they sat on logs and the room temperature drops while the movie is playing.

There was so much to learn there and so much I didn’t know. It’s a beautiful tribute to a very sad and complex war. I wish I could elaborate more on what I saw but I know I don’t have the right words to describe it. I didn’t take as many picturess as I would have liked, but I a few are below. Any WWIII and history buffs should definitely add this museum to a list of must sees.

Battle of the Ardennes as part of the battle of the Bulge happened December 1944 and January 1945 and basically left Germany defeated.

After the battle of the Ardennes, Germany was basically defeated. A few efforts remained but were unsuccessful and the axis powers were defeated and their leaders killed/committed suicide.

Imperial Japan officially signs end to the wa, months after Mussolini and Hitler were defeated and died.

Sept 2, 1945 – the war is over! 36 years before I was born. I’ll be 36 this year. Somehow, 72 years doesn’t seem that long ago.

Next up…

When I found out we were moving to Europe, I knew we’d see all the historic battle sites and museums since Justin is a war and history buff. I still somehow pictured myself more just looking at old buildings and pretty scenery, not actually realizing how much history is here, especially in Belgium. It’s pretty moving and overwhelming. I am excited to see more, but especially to see the one part of WWII that I am familiar with – Anne Frank. Two months ago I booked tickets to see the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and I am excited to go this weekend and see it for my birthday!

We’re 3 days in to the new school year here and possibly the new “normal” routine. The kids finished the last 6 weeks of school here last year, but we never really got to the normal part since I didn’t have a car or even a cell phone for a good portion of that.

The new school year isn’t going as well as I had hoped…BUT we’re only 3 days in. The weather has been very, very wet and chilly and overall kind of depressing, which I hope isn’t like foreshadowing of the rest of the year 😳.

On the first day, Wesley came home with a “disruptive talking even after multiple corrections” note that I had to sign. The second day, he lost/misplaced TWO jackets (a rain coat and sweatshirt since the weather decided to be terrible for the new school year), AND left his lunchbox at school, and then he told himself that I was picking him up instead of riding the bus (though Justin says he heard me tell him I would pick him up – not true!). Luckily a friend was at the school and saw him crying on his way back to the office and got him to the bus. The bus is a decent walk from the school and once they’re in first grade, they’re on the own. He’s only 6, and I have never really given him the opportunity to do anything that independently before. I know he can do it and his sisters are supposed to help, but it’s still scary for me to just let him go (he is on a military base).  Funny side story – when he was in PreK, he ALWAYS wanted me to pick him up at noon, but I worked 4 days a week. So usually one day a week, I could pick him up at noon. Well he quickly learned to associate his lunchbox with when he had to stay and would hide it at home before we left so that I would have to come pick him up 😂 Except they just fed him school food instead! Back to now – last item. Yesterday, he had to finish some work at home and the note on the paper said “work faster”. I mean, work faster? He is 6, in 1st grade on the 3rd day of school AND in a class that is taught in french!

Then there is my sweet Natalie. She hasn’t ever really had any issues in school. She is agreeable, does her work, doesn’t talk too much, and usually makes her one “best” friend right away. To start, she doesn’t have her teacher yet. She has a long term substitute until the new teacher is here. (She is not in French immersion because they do not have it for her grade). I know she will adjust to this ok, but it is still frustrating since she has been in 3 schools in 2 years, with 2 teachers in Norfolk (split classes). So she is now with her 6th teacher in less than two years. I don’t know that it will affect her, but I can’t help but worry about it.  She came home from school yesterday a little weepy but wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. She finally told Justin that she doesn’t have any friends at all and that she eats lunch alone. She eats alone? She is in 4th grade! Her one friend is in another class. Pretty heartbreaking. This is one of those “how do we deal with this” situations. Is it ONLY 3 days in and we should see how it pans out, making her stronger overall, OR is it one where we should intervene before it worsens (but will it worsen or get better? Who knows!) and see if she can maybe be in a class with kids she already knows (from the last 6 weeks of last year)? I usually do NOT intervene in these situations, but I can’t help but think it is our fault for all the moving and changing schools.

Meredith seems to be doing well and already speaks French with a perfect little accent 😂👍🏻. That’s about all for her so far, but I would expect no less.

Bennett and I haven’t settled into a new normal yet, unless it involves doing nothing and binge-watching Netflix (it’s only been 2 days really 😬). We’ve only had 3 days without the big kids and we’re still overcoming our exhaustion from the summer. He is a sleeper and needs it all, so I find myself needing/wanting/requiring being here for the nap which limits the time to do anything while they’re gone. He doesn’t get up until 9 or 10 (wonderful! After a solid year and a half of up twice a night, I’ll take it) and then naps for 3 more hours and by the time the nap is over, it’s time to get the kids from the bus.  Vicious sleep-wake cycle.

I’m still trying to register him for the CDC (child development center – daycare) on the base so I *maybe* have a place to drop him for an hour or two to socialize. But I spent hours last week filling out endless amounts of paperwork and updating shot records to get him signed up…only to still not be complete. I’m desperate to have him registered even though they don’t have space for him (because why would they? Why don’t they have availability to support all of their families? Why have I NEVER been able to use the CDC anywhere we have been? I digress…That’s another whole post in itself). By the time they have space (even for drop in) it’ll probably be February, which is when he can go to the Belgian schools for PreK – YAY!!!!

Fingers crossed today is all good news, as is the rest of the year!

Cost of living

First, the military compensates us for a lot of the price differentials and that is amazing. We receive a cost-of-living allowance monthly that covers some of the big differences in living here, we have a ration card for gas, and I have easy access to An American commissary where the food prices are what I would consider “normal”.

Even so, the price differentials here are sometimes hard to wrap your mind around. Some things are amazingly priced – fresh loaves of bread for €1.29, fresh baguettes for €1, amazing cheeses for a fraction of what they would be in the US, good/decent wine for €5-6, 6 packs of beer for €4-5. There isn’t really tipping here so the cost of the food generally includes the tip, meaning take away at pizza restaurants (I’m guessing most restaurants) is cheaper than eating there (I guess that’s normal for us though – no tip). But the pizzas are only €8 and we can easily get by with two. Ikea – when comparing items I’ve purchased here to items online in the US (have to go to the US site so I can read 😂), they are anywhere from 1/2 to 1/4 of the price from the US. I’ve been able to fill all the missing areas of the house for decently cheap, especially since I don’t have a Target here!

When the prices are good, they’re good! But when they’re high…it almost seems astronomical.

I’ll start wth McDonald’s 😂 , since it keeps appearing in my posts and it seems I’m obsessed. We’ve honestly only been three or four times here (a few in other countries as we drive because it’s easy and “known” for the kids). While it’s nice to feel more at home once in a while, its kind of shocking in price. For just the kids lunch last week, I think it was €28, so like $34! I hadn’t really been paying that much attention, which is why I would stop on road trips. But last week I noticed the price! I’d much rather get a loaf of bread for €1.29 or an €8 fresh, amazing pizza.

Gas is, I’d guess, on average €1.40/LITER. Four liters in a gallon, so roughly €5.60/gallon (about $6.20/gallon USD). We are able to purchase a ration card that allows us, I believe, 400 L per month at a 21% discounted rate (it avoids their tax), but it can only be used at one gas station brand and only in Belgium. We’re thankful for every bit of the discount since I drive a tank.

Then there are the bills. Our electric and water bills are some arbitrary and totally random amount. They send you a bill for say €100 for the quarter, then “reconcile” at the end of the year. The military has people who estimate how much you’ll spend based on your family size and can call and have them “adjust” the bill to reflect what they think it will be, but you don’t know until the reconciling point. We’ve heard horror stories of €3000 bills. 😳 Hopefully we’re paying enough.

Our car insurance in Belgium (at least to insure an American driver with American insurance through an American company -USAA) is $4200/year! Belgium has one of the highest rates. I’m not sure if Belgians also pay an astronmical insurance rate or if it just us, but I do know they get taxed yearly on the size of their engine, thus the incentive for the tiny cars here (which get “totaled” in pretty much any accident, which *may* have to do with the cost of insurance). Needless to say, there aren’t many Expeditions cruising the streets with me.

We also have a tax on how many TVs we own. Yep, a TV tax not sure how much yet, but we have to take it in.  Were told this will be another item that America “shields” us from and the base will call and exempt us.  We’ll find out soon.

Random info/”stats” about Belgium

It is 1/3 of the size of South Carolina (see map below), and is a mere dot when compared to the US, size wise.

It became its own country in 1830.

Next, when perusing the internet for the size of Belgium last week, I came across random “facts” (below) and took a screenshot. Not sure of it’s legitimate, but it seems right. The population is not racially diverse but is roughly 50% native Belgian and the other 50% is mostly other European nationalities (French, Dutch, Italians and Polish), with a small percentage Moroccan.

Less electricity because they don’t have central heat/air😢😬

There are two main languages here – Dutch (northern Belgium region called Flanders), and French (southern region called Wallonia). We live in the French area. It can be difficult to travel to the Dutch area, because you’ve just figured out what you need to know in french and then everything is completely different and sometimes impossible to read in Dutch (street signs). Also, the different languages even have different names for cities! So don’t go looking for Mons if you’re in the Flanders region, because they call it (and train destinations will be labeled as) “Bergen”. And Lille will be “Rijsel”.

How does the government function with multiple languages? Does everyone speak multiple languages? I do know that a lot of people speak multiple languages here, most likely out of necessity, since every country in the EU has their own language. But does everyone? Does the northern half communicate with the southern half?

It’s amazing to me that some of the cashiers at the grocery store on the NATO base speak 4 languages! Maybe we missed the bus on that in the US, but maybe it’s just not a necessary skill for us? I mean, it’s always helpful to know other languages, but I would imagine the vast percentage of Americans don’t encounter the need to be bilingual (or trilingual or  quat—whatever the word is) on a daily basis.

Around the house quirks

I’ve mentioned a time or 20 that there is no A/C here. And we only have 3 screens for our 22 windows/doors (the doors serve as windows in our dining/living area and pop open to ventilate). And there are flies. Boo.

Our refrigerator is the size of a hotel/apartment with only a pocket freezer. (We were able to borrow an American one in addition to this from the army! Yay!)

The fridge. If I just had this, I’d go to the store every day and probably go crazy.

Our oven has settings that even after looking up the meaning still don’t make enough sense for us to not burn our food.

Oven options.

We have 10 outlets in our kitchen that is maybe 8×14 (walk through galley style). Three outlets in the only closet we have (we have the American fridge in there), then 1, maybe two in each room. And each is a single outlet (not like our American ones with two). We have probably purchased 12 multi-plug surge adapters and 5 super long extension cords.

And how could I forget the sink that has separate handles 8 inches a part for hot/cold water??? Burn your right hand, have a cold left hand.

Bathroom sink with separate valves for hot/cold water

Thanks for the support!

Thank you to all my friends and family that tell me they enjoy reading about our new life, and how we’re learning to navigate it. I’m enjoying it all, really, and truly hope none of these sound like complaints, as I am very grateful for the experience of it all. I just wanted to point out the differences (first world problems, I know!).

Bennett’s first bedroom. I chalked that sign a few days after I found out I was pregnant. It has now been through two moves and still hangs (slightly smudged) on his wall now.

I’ve mentioned on FB before how pretty much everything Bennett does is up to him. He has shown me in soooooo many ways that I have to let some of the control go.

I tried and prayed for years for him. I know I already had 3 other perfect kids, but I wanted 4 from the beginning. After an unplanned c-section, the first thing I asked was what the acceptable number of repeat cesearians was.  While the answer was 4, and confirmed by further OBs, they also scare you into thinking it’s not a good idea. I cried and grieved and was angry for a long time with my first OB for what I felt was his fault (induction). Fast forward to unplanned baby #3 (and OB #3 who agreed with the recommendations that 4 cesearians was the max, but sometimes it’s limited to 3). So, to be on the safe side, I signed consent to have a tubal ligation with baby #3 IF it didn’t appear that a 4th would be healthy from her perspective once I was in surgery. Well, she said it looked good and i could eventually try for a 4th.

The 3 kiddos were hard. They were so close in age and it flew by so fast that I really felt I missed out on so much with them, so I wanted to wait a while so I could enjoy them more and then devote more time to a baby if it happened.

Two years later, I was ready. It didn’t happen.  Then it didn’t happen. Then it still didn’t happen. A year later I was at the doctor being advised to see a fertility specialist. Fertility issues? I had 3 babies in 3.5 years and #3 was totally unplanned! After months of testing, it was decided we had <10% chance of conceiving naturally. Options were discussed and I did all the back work for possible IVF, potentially to start while he was deployed.

Well, Justin left Jan 6, 2015 for the last work up before deployment. Jan 13, 2015, I found out I was pregnant. Talk about a giant detour. He came home for two weeks in February, then set off for a 9 month deployment on March 5, 2015. He would miss the whole thing, including the birth.

2015 was the hardest year of my life and also probably one of my most defining. Just like my #3 pregnancy, I was sick immediately. I had surmised, along with the Previous OBs, that the cause of my sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum) with #3 was my gallbladder. I had it removed after, so I was SURE this was going to be easier.  I have never been more wrong or more sick.

I was alone with 3 kids and I was sick and it lasted up to the minute I gave birth. I cried for at least an hour every day, and the phrase that I repeated and cried to was “What if it never gets better?” I laid in my bathroom so many nights not sure what to do – I had 3 kids sleeping but it was just me. Many times I was sure I needed to be at the hospital.

For 7 months, my kids only ate meals of fruit and lunch meat (no smell), items I could make in less than 3 min, or they ate Chick-fil-A or at the pool. They learned to put themselves to bed (sadly). They stayed at school pretty much for all of before and after care.  They fed the dogs for me because I couldn’t even look at dog food or their water bowls. They were bigger troopers than me – Natalie was 7, Meredith was 5/6, and Wesley was 3/4.

At 16 weeks, I had an unsettling ultrasound and out-of-range labs. They sent me to the high risk OB/neonatalogists. A whole gammet of possible issues were thrown at me very matter-of-fact. But since I was already struggling to eat and survive, I refused an amnio because I didn’t want to risk any complications. Every possible test outside of that that could be done was and with that we got no definitive answers. Just more and more worries. The debilitating pain/sickness/weakness of the nausea/vomiting, plus the worries of the unknown for baby, plus worrying about my husband on deployment flying in the middle of the ocean, plus the 3 older kids was almost more than I could handle. “What if it never gets better?”

I took Zofran around the clock (was denied a continuous pump of zofran twice by tricare because, well, its tricare). I took phenergan and reglan on top of it. I stood in the shower for at least an hour a day (split morning and night) in blazing hot water because it was the only relief I could get. And I prayed and prayed and prayed for him (I didn’t know he was a “him” until he was born). I prayed constantly, but never for myself, only for him. I was sure I was failing him. I couldn’t nourish him because I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t take vitamins, and I was taking a bunch of medicines with scary warnings during pregnancy. I carried my St Gerard prayer with me everywhere and repeated multiple times a day. I prayed so much for him.

August 8/9, 2015, my water broke roughly 7 weeks early…on a Sunday in the middle of the night (two days after I forced the doctors office to schedule a c-section for Sept 17 while Justin was supposed to be in port so he could maybe be on skype – you know what happens when you make plans) I call a friend, no answer. I wait a little longer and call back. Thank GOD for her. She was at my house by 6 am. Hospital tells me it’s not broken and sends me home. Following night same thing but worse. Get up and throw my kids in the car at 7 am on a Monday morning in summer and quite literally throw them out the door into the drop off daycare (thank goodness for that too!). “I’ll be back by lunch, kids!” Yeah right. Thankful for quick acting parents and good friends who drop everything to be there. Once at the hospital, they decide that since there were no contractions, I would stay there on bedrest until he was 34 weeks.

August 13 – scheduled c section with Justin on the phone from the ship in the middle of th ocean. He comes out at a whopping 5 lbs 2 oz, which is a miracle considering how little nutrition I was able to provide.

Brand new. Daddy got to hear the whole thing via phone (though it was really hard to hold my arm up the whole time 😉)

He was born around12:45 and I got to hold him by 3 am the next morning. He was so little!

He was perfect. He didn’t need any breathing support or IV feeds. He slept all day and never cried and got to go home at 1 week! After we got home, he still slept all day because he was so little and I would have to set alarms to feed him. He slept on my chest for 6 more weeks until daddy got home (he got to come home 6 weeks early!)

Everything about my pregnancy and his birth was out of my control. While I haven’t totally learned to relinquish some control, that year – my pregnancy and his birth- opened my eyes to what is out of my hands. It is not my time, it is His. I still struggle daily with wanting to control pretty much everything, but as I sit and prepare for Bennett’s second birthday, I realize he was sent to me to show me JUST that. Bennett will continue to rule my life and play to the beat of his own drum. He’ll keep loving on that bottle until kindergarten (kidding!). He’s a little rough-and-tumble bulldozer that keeps me on my toes and refuses to follow my will 😬. But most importantly, he completed our family.

“For this child I have prayed” still hanging out in Bennett’s room today

It’s no secret that I am a self-proclaimed terrible money manager (I know, I know – I should go through the Dave Ramsey program). I’m as open as it gets with it. I *know* what I should do, but it’s like I can just never get to the point where we have the extra money to do the right thing, even with my (previous) well-paying career and my insane jealousy for people who can money-manage (because you know jealousy can fuel good results sometimes). I’ve *had* (self-proclaimed) to work for the past 11 years to pay my student loan payments and then once I had kids, I had to pay for insane amounts of childcare so that I could work to pay my student loans – vicious cycle. So most of my hard-earned salary went to those two payments…and, my favorite – going out to eat. But then there is also the ridiculous credit card creep – nickel and diming over 15 years adds up MUCH faster than the paying-it-off part.

After 11 years, I’m finally under 6 figures for my remaining student loan debt (woo! 😂) and I’m currently not paying for childcare…but I’m also NOT WORKING.  I was able to change my student loan payment to some sort of graduated plan (strange to do that 11 years in) where it is lower for the next two years. Yay! And my kids + me in a foreign country =  never wanting to go out to eat! Winning! (Except not, because I miss going out to fancy restaurants, hip and trendy restaurants, foodie restaurants and Chick-fil-A SOOOOOO MUCH). But I still have those credit cards to pay down, cut up and throw out!

So, no Chick-fil-A 5 times a week (or more?!? 😳), no restaurants 4 times a week, no Target, no childcare, and lower student loan payments? I should be way better off now, right? Except we’re in the land of amazing creams and cheeses, milk and honey, beer, wine, chocolate and history! We have so many amazing opportunities that I can’t turn down, but I REFUSE to worsen my situation. We will BUDGET. Budget is a word that has never entered my vocabulary before 😳.

3 months in, we’ve been able to do a lot on what we think is “the cheap”. We were able to travel here on an fab 14 Day cruise to 5 countries through a loophole in military travel (ah-mazing!). Plus, Belgium is small (smaller than South Carolina), so travel in-country is easy, close and drivable (cheaper than the train for 6 people). From our location, pretty much all of Belgium is a day trip. So far we’ve been able to knock out a ton of cool places here. Have a few more coming soon -Antwerp, Bastogne, and Liege (waffles!!!), and hopefully revisiting some of the places we’ve already been.

From Mons to Brussels and Gent, Brugge, Ostend, Namur, Dinant, Chapelle and more!

Average European car vs our car 😂. Makes driving, let’s say, interesting. (But that’s an American military base parking lot, so there is lots of room)

Also, Paris (going back this weekend!) is 2 1/2 hours away, as is Luxembourg, parts of Germany and the Netherlands. But the budgeting aspect comes in when we want to travel further or for longer. Ryan Airlines and other airlines have decently cheap airfares, but when you have to buy 6, it gets more expensive. Plus once you get there, you have to find someplace to stay…and eat.

Hotels have been difficult for us so far. They’re pricey to begin with, but Europe seems to have super strict rules on how many can stay in a room. Most only allow 3-4, but one hotel only allowed 2 per room – so what? We’re supposed to have two kids stay in a room without parents??? It’s strange, at best, especially considering some like Hyatt Place literally have enough sleeping space for 6 people, but only allow 3 (country specific). We’ve stayed in a few hotels in 2 rooms and conveniently they’re never next to each other. So we airbnb a lot more than we would’ve back home. It has its own advantages and disadvantages (I’ll save those for another time) but at least we’re only paying one price and all staying in the same place.

Back to the budget. How can I budget when our bucket lists are SO LONG? (Seriously if anyone has suggestions, I’m open to them). We already bring breakfasts, water and snacks, try to find cheap sandwich shops for lunches (or McDonalds 😬), stop at farmers markets in the cities for cheap fruit, try to order only what we think the kids will actually eat (usually one meal for the 3 older kids), AND look for the free museums/exhibits/churches/etc. Again, suggestions for other massive money-savers are appreciated.

Places we’d love to consider our “must-see” and *hopefully* can make happen in a 3 year period are Amsterdam (Sept 1-3, Anne Frank house and Van Gogh museum tickets already booked!), Switzerland and the Alps (hopefully Thanksgiving week partially paid for as a work trip! And we’ll be singing the Sound of Music  the whole time), Italy – all of it! (just kidding, we’ll probably only make it to the bigger cities, and hopefully we can see some in December when my family comes to visit), and Budapest and Prague. Natalie has her mind set on a Greek vacation, as well 👍🏻.

We have a ton of other “want-to” and “need to” (WWII sites) places to sneak in there too. And, I’ve got nothing but time to make these happen, I just need the money! So, we must budget. I must put aside money into some sort of travel fund…or something. Or perhaps I’ll actually go through with Dave Ramsey’s program?

Either way, we WILL budget-ish. We WILL come back to the US in 3 years without more debt, but more hopefully LESS debt. And we’ll have all those priceless (cheesy!) experiences and memories, instead of more stuff (except for all the junky souvenirs the kids HAVE to have).

The views everywhere are unreal…one might even say ‘priceless’